Lynne Jenkin

Gizmos Furry Butt

Once there was a man who went to an exotic country and came across a stall selling handmade handheld fans. He asked for the prettiest and longest-lasting one and the owner charged him a whopping $1,000! After using it the first time, it broke so he took it back for a refund.
The owner listened to the complaints and finally asked him how he used the fan. The man demonstrated flapping the fan as one would normally do.
Then the owner said, "Ah! No wonder! You have been using the fan wrong. This is the way to use it."
Then, he held the fan and frantically moved his head left and right.

Lynne Jenkin

Gizmos Furry Butt

A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the woman answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Lynne Jenkin

Gizmos Furry Butt

Tom, a local businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die, you will have my remains cremated."

"And what," Bill asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"

Tom said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, "Now, you have everything."

Lynne Jenkin

Gizmos Furry Butt

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.

She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

Lynne Jenkin

Gizmos Furry Butt

My mother-in-law was very pleasantly surprised by the shepard's pie I made for her.

"This is brilliant," she said, "But tell me, what kind of meat did you use?"

"Dunno," I replied, "But there was a cat on the tin."

Lynne Jenkin

Gizmos Furry Butt

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, ‘Top o’ the mornin’ To ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan And didn’t I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?’

She replied, ‘Aye, that ye did, Father.’

The Father asked, ‘And be there Any wee little ones yet?’

She replied, ‘No, not yet, Father.’

The Father said, ‘Well now, I’m going to Rome next week And I’ll light a fertility candle for ye And yer hoosband.’

She replied, ‘Oh, thank ye, Father…’ They then parted ways..

Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, ‘Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?’
She replied, ‘Oh, very well, Father!’
The Father asked, ‘And tell me , Have ye any wee ones yet?’

She replied, ‘Oh yes, Father!
Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in all!’

The Father said, ‘That’s wonderful!
And how is yer loving hoosband doing?’

She replied, ‘E’s gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin’ candle!!!

Dean Kremin

Peace On Earth

You find 1 Aye-aye souvenir. Congratulations, you achieved a new level of 140 in the collection Madagascar. You get 5 favor points. Thanks ;)

Lynne Jenkin

Gizmos Furry Butt

The foreman on a large worksite noticed a new labourer one day and barked at him:

"What's your name?"

"John." The new bloke replied.

The Forman scowled. "Look, i don't know what kind of wishy-washy worksite you were on before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It's weak and wastes time. I call my
employees by their last name only Smith, Jones, Baker, that's all. If I want a job done, I yell, Baker, get this or
Jones, do that. Now that we have that straight, what's your last name?"

The new bloke sighed. "Darling. My name is John Darling."

The foreman paused briefly for a couple of seconds, then said quietly...

"Ok John, the first thing I want you to do is.....!"

Metro Admin

Duxhurst has accepted your connection request.

Lynne Jenkin

Gizmos Furry Butt

A guy and his wife came up to me in the shopping centre today and said, "Excuse me, do you know where we can find Pets at Home?" I said, "Have you tried looking under the bed?"