Charie D. La Marr

Persiphonia

All heck broke out in the local Home Depot today when Clarabelle Hornsby’s mini poodle Sweetie jumped out of the shopping cart and evaded employers and shoppers for more than an hour while Clarabelle broke out in hives and began hyperventilating. Clarabelle is 75 and as a precautionary measure, the EMT’s were called to the scene along with a team from the local animal shelter. People were yelling, children were crying as employees frantically searched for the missing pooch. Reports were coming in from all over the store. Someone thought they saw Sweetie in the plumbing department. Some reported seeing her in electrical supplies. Then someone screamed the dog was working her way through the lighting department. The tinkling sound of compact fluorescent lightbulbs breaking (we don’t allow incandescents) could be heard as the scared little dog continue to evade her captors. All over the store, people were running their shopping carts into each other, knocking items off the shelves. People started tripping in the crowded aisles. Guards were quickly stationed at all exits. Then someone said they saw the little dog headed for the paint department. The store’s entire staff, the people from the animal shelter and many customers headed in that direction. Cans of paint began to hit the floor and burst open, creating a multicolored river down the center of the aisle. People started slipping and sliding like kids playing in a sprinkler on a hot summer afternoon. In fact, many kids found it highly amusing and began taking dives headfirst into the paint, seeing how far they could slide and how many colors they could be covered with when they got up. The dog was next spotted in the hardware department. It wasn’t long before the floor was covered with screws and nails and people began falling. A huge pile of human bodies quickly formed as people began to fall over one and other. The scene was not pretty. The next call came from the lumber department and hundreds of stacked two by fours could be heard tumbling across the floor as people tried to work their way through the pile in search of the tiny white poodle. One hour later, Sweetie was discovered sleeping inside a cabinet in the kitchen department—where she had probably been all along. By the time the EMT’s were finished, 35 people were transported to the hospital with various minor injuries. Clarabelle was kept overnight for observation. Her neighbors the Bussey’s offered to keep the frightened little poodle overnight. She was so nervous that she peed on the Bussey’s brand new white shag carpeting three times before they released Clarabelle from the hospital and she and the dog could go home. The Bussey’s called a carpet cleaner as soon as they were gone. Back at the Home Depot, the insurance investors arrived and began the work of accessing the damage. It was estimated at more than half a million dollars. The store will be closed down for at least 10 days while they clean up. This has prompted me to sign into law the 2009 Leave Your Dog At Home Act. As cute as it is to see an adorable little puppy going shopping with Mommy, this event most definitely pointed out the potential dangers. The only exemption from the law will be pet stores. Dogs will still be permitted to go to pet stores and select their own toys and treats. The fine for taking a dog in a shopping cart to a store will be 500 dollars for a first offense and 1000 dollars for every offense thereafter. If Fluffy hates it when Mommy leaves her alone, hire a babysitter. Today, we will be sending along a volunteer from our local animal shelter to give a talk on spaying and neutering your pets. They also have some helpful tips on how to keep your kitties from scratching the furniture and climbing the drapes when you leave them home alone. For entertainment, a copy of ‘Lassie Come Home’. Now that was a smart dog. Or maybe you would like one of our new paint Slip N Slides. Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. I am back up to 1000 connections, but have started dumping 2x weekly poppers. I ONLY accept cities who send a FRIEND REQUEST. Don’t ask here and don’t send me a message to my inbox. It can’t keep up with it as it is. ONLY friend requests will be considered in the order they arrive. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or as close to midnight as we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in! And by the way—who is the real Ace Murphy????