Randall, Mayor of Delphiaville |
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DelphiavilleMayor
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The Delphiaville Wall
Charie D. La Marr, mayor ofPersiphoniaover 16 years agoCecilia Morningstar is one of Persiphonia’s busy Senior Citizens. On Mondays’s she goes to ‘Stitch N Bitch’, where the ladies make quilts for the underprivileged. On Tuesdays, she goes to ‘Y Knot Knit?’, where she uses her talents to teach other women to knit. On Thursdays, she attends ‘Struttin’ With The Seniors’ exercise class. And on Fridays, she participates in ‘Classy Crocheters’, where she makes baby blankets for all the new babies born in Persiphonia General as well as for her many grandchildren and great grandchildren. She also goes to the library book clubs and to church on Sunday. She is a very busy widow. Last Friday, as she was walking home from her crochet group, she was accosted from behind by a masked mugger. Having taken a few self defense classes at her exercise groups, she sprung into action. She swung around and got him right in the crotch with a knee. As he was bending over, she swung her crochet bag as hard as she could and clocked him in the head. The mugger went down like a ton of bricks. Mostly because one of the suggestions at the self defense classes was to keep a good sized brick in the bottom of your knitting bag for just such purposes. She gave him a good pepper spraying just for good measure and called the cops. By the time they arrived, Cecilia had the situation well in hand. The mugger was bound hand and foot with some lovely pink variegated yarn that she was using to crochet her great granddaughter Meghan a matching hat and sweater set. The police didn’t even need handcuffs. They took him away bound up in the yarn, laughing as they stuffed him into the back of the patrol car. It turned out that this mugger was not a resident of Persiphonia. We have no criminals here. However, when the police ran his fingerprints, they discovered he was wanted in several cities in Metropolis and that there was a hefty reward for his capture on armed robbery charges relating to a holdup in another city about a year ago. Persiphonia quickly contacted the city and extradited the man back, claiming the reward on behalf of Mrs. Morningstar. Cecilia was touted in the local papers as a heroine. “Every one needs to learn to protect themselves,†she is quoted as saying. “Especially us senior citizens. And I never knew a man alive who could take a knee to the groin without doubling over in agony. It’s a little move every woman should know. My purse was filled with pictures of my children and grandchildren. No mugger was getting it.†The women at the senior center were so delighted that they threw Cecilia a party and named her Senior of the Year. Cecilia used her reward money to sponsor a girl’s softball team, and now she spends Saturday afternoons coaching the. She personally embroidered their names on their hot pink uniforms. The team is called Cecilia’s Heroes. They are currently in a tie for first place. Today, we are sending you one of our Senior Center exercise teachers to teach self-defense to all your senior citizens. Nobody should be defenseless when it comes to crime. As entertainment, Cecilia and her team of heroes will come to your city and challenge any softball team you have. And she will also present the Mayor with a lovely homemade afghan—in hot pink variegated yarn. Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have reached 1000 connections, but I am checking now and deleting those who do not autopop daily, so wait about a week and ask us again. I will ONLY connect to cities who send a friend request that contains the NAME OF THEIR CITY- not just ‘Metroâ€. All other requests will be deleted. I have already deleted over 150 names and replaced them and continue to do so a little at a time. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or thereabouts. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in!
Charie D. La Marr, mayor ofPersiphoniaover 16 years agoAll Mayors of Metropolis should walk with a little more pride in their step today. Today, April 8, 1986. Clint “Dirty Harry†Eastwood was elected Mayor of a small city in California. He proved that a guy can go from pulp mill worker to gas station attendant to bit player in B movies like Revenge of the Creature to Spaghetti Westerns and ending up as an actor, producer, director, composer and 5 time Academy Award winner and yet he still found the time to become the Mayor of a little city called Carmel-by-the-Sea, California. So I have decided to call today Mayor’s Day and honor all of you out there who do such a fine job of running the wide variety of cities in Metropolis. Each and every one of you has contributed to the growth of Metropolis and has done a tremendous job on behalf of the citizens of your city. We in Persiphonia salute you. In your honor, a limousine will be sent to gather you and a guest tonight to bring you to Persiphonia for a state dinner and entertainment. Our wonderful chefs at the Eiffel Tower have prepared a very special feast for all of you. Harry Conick, Jr. and his band will be providing the entertainment. There will be dancing so wear your dancing shoes. And, along with The President of Metropolis who has a few words of congratulations to say to all of you and will be presenting each of you with a certificate of achievement, the guest of honor will be none other than Clint Eastwood himself. How’s that for an unexpected night on the town? Today being a manic day, the residents of Persiphonia have gone out of their way to decorate our town so it looks better than ever. Feel free to tour our lovely town. Even the pirates at the recycling center will be bathed and on their best behavior. We hope. We in Persiphonia consider it an honor to host all of you. When you leave, please stop by our Human Resources Department and let them know what kind of people you need in your city. They will endeavor to locate a qualified individual and send them home with you. If it’s one thing Persiphonia has no shortage of, it’s people. I look forward to meeting all of you. Be prepared for a smashing evening as our very special guests. Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have reached 1000 connections, but I am checking now and deleting those who do not autopop daily, so wait about a week and ask us again. I will ONLY connect to cities who send a friend request that contains the NAME OF THEIR CITY- not just ‘Metroâ€. All other requests will be deleted. I have already deleted over 150 names and replaced them and continue to do so a little at a time. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or whenever we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in!
Charie D. La Marr, mayor ofPersiphoniaover 16 years agoCassi Cominsky was one of Persiphonia’s best dancers. At only 15, she was already the best student at Miss Chance’s School of Dances. Cassi started studying ballet when she was only 5 and got her first pair of pointe shoes when she was 8. Miss Chance’s yearly recital was coming up and as usual, Cassi was doing a solo. She was going to do the dance of the Firebird, a famous ballet. She had a beautiful costume her mother made with shades of red, yellow and orange to simulate the fire. But more than anything, she wanted red pointe shoes to go with it. But her mother said they can’t afford them. Her father took a beating in Metropolis’s first economic and market session and at that time, there just wasn’t money for a pair of pointe shoes that she would only wear for the recital. She would have to wear her old pink ones. Maybe she could add red ribbons to them to make them look more red. But new pointe shoes were out of the question right now. So Cassi, being a very stubborn and resourceful child, decided to earn the money to buy them herself. But she would need around 100 dollars. She had some allowance saved up, but that was only 15 dollars. It would take a lot of hard work for Cassi to raise the rest. One day, she was visiting her friend Misti Goldinger. They were practicing a routine for the recital in the basement. Misti’s mother opened the door and yelled that it was time for Misti to walk her Maltese, Max. Misti got all huffy as they put on her sneakers and headed up the stairs to walk the dog. That gave Cassi a great idea. Cassi’s Classy Dog Walking Service. She made up a lot of colorful flyers and put them in the mailboxes of all the people she knew had pets. Especially the older people. She knew it was hard for them to go out and walk their pets. She would charge a dollar per walk per pet. She figured she could walk ten or fifteen dogs at a time since all the dogs in Persiphonia are little. In no time at all, the money would be rolling in. She would be able to buy her red pointe shoes and even be able to buy some new games for her Wii. She was surprised that nobody had thought of the idea before. Customers poured in. Before she knew it, Cassi was walking her dog, a tiny little jet black mixed breed from the animal shelter named Jaxon, plus about twenty other dogs. The hardest part was keeping them all still while she stopped to pick up when one of the little guys pooped. But in Persiphonia, picking up after your dogs is a strictly enforced law. Cassi had to spend some of her saved up allowance money on a super pooper-scooper. It was an investment. One afternoon, Cassi was cleaning up when she heard the dogs all barking behind her. She turned around and screamed. Her little dog Jaxon was standing up behind Mrs. Garlinger’s Pekinese show dog Heavenly, making these strange jerking motions. Being only 12, Cassi had no idea what they were doing. She tried to stop Jaxon, but he growled and snapped at her. She started to cry. Heavenly was whimpering and crying, too. It just so happened that Fire Chief Rick Goodbody was in a fire truck, returning to the fire station after giving a Stop Drop and Roll lecture at one of the local elementary schools. Recognizing a doggie rape in action. He grabbed a hose from the truck, hooked it up to the nearest fire hydrant and let it blast. Jaxon ended up about halfway down the next block. He helped Cassi retrieve her dog and return the rest of the dogs to their rightful owners. Then he gave her and Jaxon a ride home in the fire engine. She may have only been 12, but Cassi sat as close to Chief Goodbody as she could get. After that, Cassi closed down Cassi’s Classy Dog Service. Some of her customers were very disappointed, but she told them she needed more time for her schoolwork and practicing ballet. She never mentioned the Jaxon incident to Mrs. Garlinger, but after a while, she began to suspect what Jaxon had been doing that day. And then she remembered that her parents had never taken the little puppy back to the shelter to be neutered like they were supposed to. She began to worry. Then, about 10 weeks later, there was a knock at the door. Mrs. Garlinger was standing on the porch crying. In her hand was a box and inside were 5 of the ugliest black puppies that Cassi had ever seen. Jaxon ran and hid behind the sofa. All of them looked just like him. Mrs. Garlinger told Cassi’s father about the dog walking service and served him with papers announcing that she was suing him for 50 thousand dollars. Her beautiful show dog was ruined—tainted by her encounter with the ugly black mutt. The two families came to Persiphonia’s court, and using the Persiphonian method of justice—a game of rock, paper, scissors, Mrs. Garlinger won 2-1and Mr. Cominsky owed her 50 thousand dollars. Realizing that Mrs. Garlinger was perhaps going a little overboard with her claim, I reduced the amount to 1,500 dollars and closed the case. Mr. Cominsky wrote her a check and left the courthouse. The Cominsky family has now decided to leave Persiphonia. Everywhere they go, people smirk at them and make rude remarks about their dog. Mrs. Cominsky is so traumatized that her doctor has had to double her daily medications. Cassi dropped out of Mrs. Chance’s School of Dances and seldom leaves her room except to go to school. Her grades have fallen significantly. Do you have a home in your city for this lovely family? Mr. Cominsky is an accountant with a degree from Persiphonia University. Mrs. Cominsky teaches high school math. Surely such a family would be a benefit to any community. Jaxon has since been neutered, so this terrible event won’t occur again. Let this be a lesson to all of you. Spay and neuter your pets. For entertainment (as if this story wasn’t enough) I am sending along a copy of the original 1959 version of The Shaggy Dog starring Fred Mc Murray and Annette Funicello. Promise you won’t stare at her chest. This was post-Mickey Mouse Club and Annette had filled out real nice by then, but she was kind of sensitive about all the talk about how she filled out a sweater by then. Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have reached 1000 connections, but I am checking now and deleting those who do not autopop daily, so wait about a week and ask us again. I will ONLY connect to cities who send a friend request that contains the NAME OF THEIR CITY- not just ‘Metroâ€. I have already deleted over 150 names and replaced them and continue to do so a little at a time. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or whenever we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in!
Charie D. La Marr, mayor ofPersiphoniaover 16 years agoAs a child, Jethro Skinner spent most of his time with his nose buried in science fiction comic books. From there, he moved to the dime science fiction magazines and the stories of HP Lovecraft. He was enchanted with the imagination that went into these works and dreamed of a day when these things would become a reality. For that reason, he went to Persiphonia University, good old PU and majored in chemistry. By day, he held down a 9 – 5 job at the local branch of the Food and Drug Administration, but at night, at home in his own chemistry lab, he dreamed as he created. He tried to develop everything from a Jekyll and Hyde potion to the fountain of youth. But what interested him the most was the idea of a universal solvent. Of course, he only intended for it to be used for good. He would take care to ensure that the formula didn’t fall into the hands of evil doers like The Joker or Lex Luthor who would use such a potion to destroy the world. After his first 75 or so attempts, he went to bed one night and returned to his lab in the morning to find the solution had eaten its way through the glass beaker he stored it in and spilled out across the stainless steel table. He couldn’t believe it. He was actually on to something. If he could develop a potion that could dissolve glass, it was only a matter of time until he developed the universal solvent. His next attempt resulted in the solvent eating right through the glass, the stainless steel table and puddling on the concrete floor. By his third attempt, he had a hole in the concrete floor as well, a hole that went probably halfway to China. He knew he was on to something. He mentioned these developments to a friend at work, a friend he thought he could trust. A few days later, he was visited by a couple guys in black suits and white ties with their noses leaning decidedly to the left. They represented a certain ‘client’ who was most interested in the development of a universal solvent. It seems their boss had a specific need for such a product—something concerning the disposal of certain ‘items’ that he didn’t want found again. The universal solvent provided the perfect solution. When they left the house, Jethro knew he was in trouble. The mafia. The “items’ they wanted to dissolve were bodies. Sadly, Jethro realized that he couldn’t continue his work. He would become a wanted man. All kinds of evil elements of society from governments to criminals would be after him. In short, he would be opening a virtual Pandora’s box. The next day, as he went to work at the Persiphonia Food and Drug Administration, he happened to step in gum as he went in the front door. It really annoyed him because he was wearing a brand new pair of Payless loafers. He noticed that there were a lot of people standing outside of the building smoking because smoking is banned in our buildings. There was a lot of gum on the sidewalk, dropped by people who chewed it in between cigarette breaks to help them with their cravings. That gave him an idea. To confirm his theory, he visited hundreds of buildings and noticed massive amounts of unsightly gum stuck to the sidewalk—particularly right outside doors where people smoked. However, the rest of the city sidewalks didn’t look much better. Ugly, dirty gum was ruining the look of his beloved Persiphonia. He went home that night and started over. He destroyed most of his notes on universal solvents and began to focus on one thing. A non-toxic solvent that would remove the gum from the sidewalks quickly and easily. It took him a couple of tries, but he finally developed Jethro Skinner’s Gum Thinner. You simply pour the solution onto the sidewalk and watch the gum completely disappear. There is no need for scrubbing or rinsing. The gum is gone in less than thirty seconds. And the sidewalks of Persiphonia have never looked better. Jethro spent his life savings and did a 15 minute informercial on a national tv network very late at night. It was all he could afford. But the orders began pouring in. Cities all over the world who had problems with unsightly gum wanted some. Jethro made it in his home workshop and shipped it out as fast as he could, but soon he couldn’t keep up with the orders. He quit his job and took over one of our cheap factories. It is now producing non-toxic gum removal solution, cleanly and safely. Orders have come from as far away as China. The men in the black suits returned and purchased a few gallons, only to find out that the only thing it dissolved was chewing gum. It didn’t suit their purpose at all. Jethro apologized to them—explaining that the only thing he knew how to dissolve was gum. They weren’t very happy when they left and as a result, Jethro has had to hire 24/7 body guards. But he can afford it. The gum removal business has made him a billionaire. Persiphonia could borrow from him now. Metropolis could borrow some money from him. Today, we are sending you a sales representative from Jethro Skinner Enterprises along with samples of Jethro Skinner’s Gum Thinner. Are your sidewalks covered with unsightly blotches of dirty, unsanitary chewed gum? You need Gum Thinner! It will also work in your movie theatres on sticky candy like those disgusting jujubes. For entertainment, our sales representatives will be bringing along a 10 pound can of Double Bubble and holding a ‘biggest bubble’ contest in your town. The winner will get dinner for two at a local diner. Clean up your sidewalks—get Jethro Skinner’s Gum Thinner today! As Mayor of Persiphonia, I personally endorse this product. It is great to have nice clean sidewalks again! Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have reached 1000 connections, but I am checking now and deleting those who do not autopop daily, so wait about a week and ask us again. I will ONLY connect to cities who send a friend request that contains the NAME OF THEIR CITY- not just ‘Metroâ€. I have already deleted over 150 names and replaced them and continue to do so a little at a time. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or whenever we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in!
Charie D. La Marr, mayor ofPersiphoniaover 16 years agoThere has been a lot of talk among Mayors about bringing more exciting new landmarks into Metropolis. I mean, for most cities it must be very dull having 200 Summer Palaces and 300 London Eyes. Of course, Persiphonia has sold all their Summer Palaces to “So Wok’s Up?†– a chain of Chinese take-out joints and converted all our ferris wheels into windmills that power the town. We are also negotiating with a spa company to turn all of our Castel Sant’Angelos into high end spas complete with plastic surgery. And we are considering turning our Sydney Opera Houses into beer gardens. Waste not, want not. The rent is bringing Persiphonia a pretty chunk of change. And of course, the employees pay us a nice amount of taxes as well. But The Persiphonia Department of Tourism has started investigating some other . . . lesser landmarks on our own. Some more . . . unusual stuff. Things that nobody else will have. In other words, we have set out to make Persiphonia the freaky landmark capital of the world. It is our intention to buy up as many odd and freaky places that we can and bring them all together in Persiphonia. Kind of like a giant freak show of landmarks. For instance, we are pretty close to buying the world’s largest thermometer from the folks in Baker, California. At a pretty cheap price, too. We are also negotiating with Weston, Missouri to buy the world’s largest ball of string and with Cawker City, Kansas to match it with the world’s largest ball of twine. Take that, Burj! We are also looking at the Cockroach Hall of Fame in Plano, Texas, the Toilet Seat Museum in San Antonio, Texas, the Spam Muesum in Austin, Minnesota, the Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, the Jello Museum in Le Roy, New York and the Kool Aid Museum in Hastings, Nebraska. Plenty of good stuff out there, and the prices are low! There’s Andy the Footless Goose in Hastings, Nebraska, the Cathedral of Junk in Austin, Texas, Truckhenge in Topeka, Kansas, the world’s largest ball of stamps and 11 million paperclips in Whitewell, Tennessee, just waiting to join our collection. So are the world’s largest Jack-in-the-Box (the toy, not the restaurant), the world’s largest Mc Donald’s (the restaurant, not the toy) and the world’s largest catsup bottle. We want them all! And we have the money to put where our mouth is! Of course, some stuff has to be verified. We found several places claiming to have the world’s only two story outhouse and many claiming to have the world’s largest coffee pot and the world’s largest frying pan. Annitston, Alabama claimed to have the world’s largest chair, but we heard some place in Italy has wiped them off the map now. I’m not making this stuff up, people. I have looked them all up. They are all out there, and millions or at least hundreds of people visit them annually. Put them all together in one city and you have yourself a goldmine! We will be sending people out to check on those as well as the world’s largest charcoal grill, the world’s largest potato, pumpkin tomato, egg and a few other things. We really want to verify that they are still fresh and not just rotten, smelly old things. We do have our standards when it comes to freaky. We will also be looking into Queen Victoria’s Friction Tube in Schoharie, New York. That kind of sounds like an adults only attraction. Honestly, I cannot wait to find out what that one is. And then there is the world’s most stolen road sign in Intercourse, Pennsylvania. I think Feral has one of those up in his room. We already checked out the Dan Quayle Vice Presidential Museum in Huntington, Indiana and found it empty. What a ripoff. Sadly, some really good stuff is just out of our price range right now. Graceland and Dollywood just want way too much. And Stephen King’s house is not for sale because he is still living in it and he likes it in Maine. Then there’s the original Field of Dreams in Dyasville, Iowa. I sure would like to get my hands on that. The price of Captin James T. Kirk’s Future Birthplace in Riverside, Iowa is also outrageous. And technically, he isn’t even born yet! But we may spring for that one. Trekkies bring in big bucks. And there is a miniature golf course in the basement of a funeral parlor in Palatine, Illinois that is very interesting to us. We could use a funeral parlor, although nobody ever dies around here. But we do have a lot of births. We will be sending people out to all of your cities in search of the strange and freaky. If you have something for sale, please contact The Persiphonia Department of Tourism immediately. We want your stuff! And I promise that when I find out what Queen Victoria’s Friction Tube is, you will be the first to know. For entertainment today, an oldie but goldie. Bobby Troup singing Get Your Kicks on Route 66. We are considering buying that, too. And we’ll toss in a coipy of Paul Simon’s Graceland, I love that song. But the really big entertainment is going to be Persiphonia. Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar may soon change to Land of the Weird and Home of the Bipolar. Like it isn’t already. Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have reached 1000 connections, but I am checking now and deleting those who do not autopop daily, so wait about a week and ask us again. I will ONLY connect to cities who send a friend request that contains the NAME OF THEIR CITY- not just ‘Metroâ€. I have already deleted over 150 names and replaced them and continue to do so a little at a time. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or whenever we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in!
Charie D. La Marr, mayor ofPersiphoniaover 16 years agoWell I am back in Persiphonia – a little jet lagged but back in time for one of my favorite days of the year here in town. I wouldn’t miss it for anything. A few years ago, I decided that Persiphonia needed a special day that really defined it. Something like the running of the bulls defines Pamplona. I wanted it to be something romantic and yet with that flair for the daring. Something Hemingway would have enjoyed on one of his more manic (and drunk) days. He was one of us, you know? Bipolar as the day is long. Well, I went to my City Council and had open town hall meetings to figure out the perfect event. Anything with animals was out. Who wants to clean up after those bulls, not to mention all the blood and guts spattered around our immaculate city? And since many people were concerned about bulls or other larger animals using our tiny little pets as appetizers. We considered a lot of other things. Annual Group Therapy Day seemed to have some support, but it just seemed boring. I couldn’t see Hemingway in his khakis coming here to sit down and tell everyone that his mother made him take cello lessons until he was 10. It just seemed so . . . unmanly. I wanted more. Something daring and fun. Something all about taking a risk like running with the bulls, Then came spring and the phone calls started coming in to the Road Maintenance crews. As anyone who has ever looked it up on Wikipedia knows, a pothole is a type of disruption in the surface of a roadway where a portion of the road material has broken away, leaving a hole. Most potholes are formed due to fatigue of the pavement surface. As fatigue cracks develop they typically interlock in a pattern known as "alligator cracking". The chunks of pavement between fatigue cracks are worked loose and may eventually be picked out of the surface by continued wheel loads, thus forming a pothole. The formation of potholes is exacerbated by cold temperatures, as water expands when it freezes and puts more stress on cracked pavement. Once a pothole forms, it grows through continued removal of broken chunks of pavement. If a pothole fills with water the growth may be accelerated, as the water 'washes away' loose particles of road surface as vehicles pass. In temperate climates, potholes tend to form most often during spring months when the subgrade is weak due to high moisture content. (Thank you for the person who has no life and took the time to write that in Wiki!) Anyway, with the cold, icy winters followed by the rainy springs, Persiphonia blossomed with potholes as soon as the weather turned a little bit warm. Cars who didn’t see them were likely to end up with broken axels, flat tires or other damage to the undercarriages of their cars. And believe me, we get some massive potholes. People have lost dogs and small children in them! And then it hit me. The Running of the Potholes. Kind of a cross between the Cannonball Run, Grand Theft Auto, Demolition Derby and Evel Kenievil jumping the Snake River Canyon. What a kick! What manic could resist getting behind the wheel and racing through the streets of Persiphonia swerving to miss the giant potholes? First car that limps across the finish line is declared the winner. Who cares about NASCAR? Guys driving circles on a perfectly smooth track for a day and a half? Persiphonia has potholes! Imagine running the gauntlet in Medieval England in your Jaguar! And how great for our only 2 gas stations. They get enough work to last them until fall! So, it was established that the first Saturday in April would be the annual Running of the Potholes. Just so people can’t scout the course ahead of time, a map is issued to the navigator just before race time. The race begins at Sulley Park, weaves its way through Persiphonia, over the Gold Gate Bridge (we have two now – one in each direction!) and out to Lil Slice Of Hell, our suburb. After a tour of the ‘burbs, the race crosses back into Persiphonia, weaves its way through the streets until it finishes back at Sulley Park. Crowds gather along the sidewalks rooting their favorite cars on. Anything goes—the only type of cars not allowed are all terrain vehicles, 4 wheel drives and Hummers. The true challenge is to do the race in your most expensive vehicle. And so we have people who dare to do the race in everything from Jaguars to Lamborginis. After all, it is about risk, right? There are no pit crews. If a car dies in a pothole, the people on the sidewalk just move it to the sidewalk and the race goes on. No yellow caution flags, just flat out street racing. Manic style. The entrants range from teenage kids to 80 year old grandmothers. In fact, two years ago, Frances Weaver, age 79 won in her 1967 fire engine red Rambler American. Stick shift with 25 thousand original miles. Frances is the choir master at one of our churches. The car was literally just driven back and forth to church by a little old lady. The winner gets a trophy, the traditional bottle of fruit punch and bragging rights for the year. The following day, pothole repairs begin in earnest. Our crews fan out across the city with trucks of blacktop and hot tar and by Tuesday, you would never even know we had a pothole. The entrance fee to the race covers that Sunday overtime bill. This year’s favorite is Derek Landsdown who is racing in a brand new BMW silver Z4 roadster 3.0 si. His biggest challenger is Frances, who has purchased a new kelly green Tesla Motors electric car for the occasion. Go Frances! Go green and clean! Fortunately the race isn’t more than 244 miles or Frances would have to push her car across the finish line. That or use a very long extension cord. Feral and Malicious are doing it in a Volkswagon done up to look like a mini hearse. Those two are just too adorable. (gags) I will be at the starting line in my jumpsuit to wave the starting flag. Then I will probably take a nap in the backseat of my limo and have someone wake me when the winner crosses the finish line. Jet lag sucks! Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have reached 1000 connections, but I am checking now and deleting those who do not autopop daily, so wait about a week and ask us again. I will ONLY connect to cities who send a friend request that contains the NAME OF THEIR CITY- not just ‘Metroâ€. I have already deleted over 150 names and replaced them and continue to do so a little at a time. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or whenever we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in! 6 Posts Available
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