Heide, Mayor of City Of Insanity |
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City Of InsanityMayor
Heide
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The City Of Insanity Wall
Charie D. La Marr, mayor ofPersiphoniaover 16 years agoI am sad to report that Persiphonia has its first criminal. Seven of them to be exact. And the charge is murder. Yes, there has been a murder in Persipohonia. The Persiphonia Seven are currently guests of Persphonia behind bars in our maximum-security facility--which was empty anyway. Their trial is scheduled for early next week after they’ve had a few days to enjoy our hospitality and think a little about what they have done. The victim was a tree—Persiophonia’s famous Sweetheart Tree in Sulley Park to be precise. It was a beautiful and very old Japanese Maple Tree. Most couples in Persiphonia posed under it on their wedding day. As the story goes, a couple having their picture taken under the Sweetheart Tree guaranteed them a happy and healthy marriage and many children. Now it is just a dead stump. Yesterday our parks crew had to cut the dead tree down. A group of local woodcrafters have saved as much of the wood as they could and they intend to make little souvenirs for married couples in the future. A tree surgeon was also able to extract some of the tree’s DNA or some living material like DNA and try to clone it. I’m not a scientist, I don’t know how that works, but we are all very hopeful. The murder weapon? Well, I really don’t know of a nice way to put this, so let’s just call it recycled beer. As you all might know—beer cannot be owned, it can only be rented. Sooner or later (more likely sooner) you have to give it back. Seven young men who were pledging for the Eye Felta Thi Fraternity at Persiphonia University were sent on a beer run by the members of the Fraternity. On the way back, they decided to have one beer each. One beer lead to another and pretty soon things were out of control. They found themselves stone cold drunk in Sulley Park underneath the Sweetheart Tree. With the park’s restrooms locked for the evening and the college still miles away, they had no choice to use the tree to relieve themselves. They had many cases of beer and so they relieved themselves many times before they were discovered unconscious underneath the tree. In the morning, they were discovered by the police and charged with public drunkenness. They were sentenced to three weeks of park cleaning services and given a very stern lecture by this Mayor. The sentence was carried out and we thought that was the end of it. But as spring began to bloom, the Sweetheart Tree just kind of stood there doing nothing. The landscapers pruned it and fertilized it in an attempt to get it blooming. A few leaves appeared and quickly died. Soon the branches began to droop. Tree surgeons were quickly called in and they worked feverishly too save the tree. But it was too late. The cause of death was listed as alcohol poisoning. The seven young men were quickly arrested and slammed in jail. People gathered and wept as the tree was cut down. Brides quickly searched for other places to take their wedding pictures. Posing in front of a urine soaked tree stump just didn’t have very much appeal. Then the Persiphonia Seven come before me in court, they will be pronounced guilty. That is certain. What their sentence will be has yet to be decided, but I assure you that I will come down on them swiftly and to the fullest extent of the law. Nobody kills a tree on MY watch and walks away. If the tree was still there, I might be tempted to hang them from it. Today, I am sending around a group of tree surgeons to check the trees in your town. They will be especially careful when checking the trees near your colleges and bars. As entertainment, I am sending along a copy of that lovely old Henry Mancini song ‘The Sweetheart Tree’. Enjoy it. Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have dumped a bunch of connex AGAIN. I ONLY accept cities who send a FRIEND REQUEST. Don’t ask here and don’t send me a message. ONLY friend requests will be considered in the order they arrive. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or as close to midnight as we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in!
Charie D. La Marr, mayor ofPersiphoniaover 16 years agoToday we held our annual Old Farts’ Fish Off. There really isn’t a set day for this competition. It takes place some time in the spring on the day after one of our old farts decides like he feels going fishing. The rules are simple. All contestants are 65 and over. They are two men to a motorboat. They are allowed any kind of lures and bait they want, a tackle box each and a cooler with two six packs of beer per person. The fishing starts whenever the old farts show up and continues until the two six packs are gone. Bathroom breaks are allowed due to the age of the competitors. When you have used up your beer, you come in and they weigh your biggest catch of the day. Biggest fish wins bragging rights and one free beer whenever he goes to one of our local taverns and tells the big fish story about how he caught his whopper. The Old Farts’ Fish Off is often held more than once a year due to crotchety old men challenging each other again and again. One year, we had ten of them. Ernie Cheney and Chester Wiggins—Persiphonia’s resident old coots are always in the contest although they have never caught anything bigger than a guppy. They have used everything under the sun for bait—from corn on the cob to hotdog slices with mustard. They have also tried cultivating their own worms to no avail. There was some question as to whether or not they would compete this year after their big fight over the pot that Chester found in Ernie’s trash that turned out to be worth half a million dollars. It’s now in the Louvre. But Ernie and Chester eventually made up and spent a lot of time in the late winter huddled together making plans for the Fish Off. They bragged constantly that this was their year and there was no way they could lose. They showed up about 9 am—very early for them and took off for a secret fishing spot that they had been scouting for several weeks. They were out all day—not even coming in for bathroom breaks, which was also unusual for them considering the condition of their prostates. (I don’t even want to go there!) They were the last team back—shortly before sunset. They were drinking their last beers and yelling that they had a winner. Inside the boat was about a 15 pound striped bass—far and away the winner. The two of them were whooping it up when Clark Fulgham, owner of the Fulgham Street Fish Market stepped forward to examine the fish carefully. He turned to the crowd and pronounced Ernie and Chester to be cheaters. You see, some people never forget a face. Well. Clark never forgets a fish face—especially not if it’s one of the biggest fish he sold all winter. He specifically recalled selling that very fish to Ernie and Chester back in January or February. The way he figured it, the two old coots must have taken the fish back to one of their houses and deep-frozen it. Then they hid it in the ice at the bottom of their beer cooler and gone to their secret fishing spot. There, they took it out and let it thaw out in the sun all day—bringing it in when it was sufficiently thawed and showed it off to the others. Their cooler was emptied and in the bottom, a small piece of Mr. Fulgham’s fish wrapping paper was discovered. The two of them were denounced as cheaters and kicked out of the Old Fart’s Fish Off for life. Instead, Kramer Wickoff was announced as the winner with 1.5 pound fish of undetermined species. Chester and Ernie, still protesting their innocence, left in disgrace. Today, I would like to make your city an offer. Why don’t you host the next Old Farts’ Fish Off in your city? We can send our old farts to compete against yours. You can decide if Chester and Ernie get to participate. Think of the fun. Think of the excitement. Think of the notoriety it will bring to your city. Think about the pressure you will be taking off poor overworked Mayor Persi. At the end of the contest, you can keep the old farts or send them back. I’ll leave that entirely up to you. I won’t send along any entertainment with this. Believe me—this will be more entertainment than your citizens can handle. So how about it? Let’s talk. The guys are starting to talk about an Old Farts’ Fish Off Two already. Help me out, Mayors. Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have dumped a bunch of connex AGAIN. I ONLY accept cities who send a FRIEND REQUEST. Don’t ask here and don’t send me a message. ONLY friend requests will be considered in the order they arrive. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or as close to midnight as we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. WIN 25 PRESIDENTIAL FAVOR POINTS! Send me an essay – 25 words or less stating why you think your city should be the next Moe Town. Post your answer on my wall. Winner will get 25 Favor Points credited to their account compliments of the Mayor of Persiphonia. ONE DAY LEFT! Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in!
Charie D. La Marr, mayor ofPersiphoniaover 16 years agoAfter the great afternoon at Homeless Day, pretty much everyone headed over to Sully Park. Turkey makes you very sleepy, and it was a warm day so everyone decided to stretch out on the grass and start a good base for their summer tans. Of course Feral and Malicious headed indoors in order to stay as white and pale as possible. I had just gotten my runner up envelope prize from Blondeopolis’ talent show. I was kind of disappointed that I didn’t win. I thought my medly of ‘Twist N Shout’ and ‘Shake Your Tailfeathers’ was pretty hot. And I was sure I had enough Persiphonians there to tip the scales on the Blonde-o-Meter. But I am working on a new routine for the next talent show that will knock their blonde socks off. But I have been hearing a lot about their great new luxury mall, and that it stays open very late on Sundays. I heard they had great designer shoe stores as well as some great hat shops and lots of bookstores. And everyone knows that in addition to being a shoe freak, I am a sucker for hat shops and book stores. So, with my free valet parking coupon, I headed over there to check it out. When I got into the parking lot, I happened to see this little old lady in a beat up old Cadillac searching for a parking space. She seemed very frustrated. The mall was quite crowded. She had a handicapped sticker, but all the handicapped spaces were filled. So, being the good, upstanding citizen and humanitarian that I am, I rolled down my window and offered her my free valet parking coupon. So what if I had to park a little way away? The walk would do me good after pigging out on turkey and all the trimmings and two pieces of chocolate cake. I figured she would accept it and thank me for the offer. Instead, she flashed me a toothless grin and said “Sucker!†holding up a whole stack of the free valet coupons. Then she added “I saw your act. You sucked!†Apparently she had been collecting them all day. Well, rather than beat an old lady senseless for a valet parking coupon, I decided to cut my losses and go find a parking space. I was pretty lucky and found one in a few minutes. As I was walking into the mall, I noticed that the old lady was now walking up and down the line of cars waiting to valet park, offering them coupons at a 50% discount! The nerve of her. But the valet parking at the Blondeopolis Luxury Mall is 20 bucks, which is pretty steep, and she was making a lot of sales. As she saw me walk by she cackled and gave me the finger. I told her that her roots were showing. Then I asked her if she knew how to keep an old bleached blonde in suspense. She said no. I said I would tell her later. I almost gave her the finger, but Persiphonian women pride themselves on being ladies. Most of the time. As soon as I got into the mall, I found a pair of security guards. I told them that there was an old broad outside selling counterfeit valet parking vouchers. I also told them that if they checked with their collection of wanted posters, they would see that she resembled Geriatric Annie Faulkes—wanted in at least 15 cities in Metropolis for pulling cons. While one of them went out to find her, the other one went to check the wanted posters. She tried to make a run for it, but even in her sensible shoes, they easily outran her. Sure enough, it was Geriatric Annie. The reward for her capture was 100 thousand dollars. I am donating half of the reward to Blondeopolis because without that free voucher, I never would have caught her. I hope they do something nice with their 50K. By the way, the mall was lovely. I bought two hats, an armful of books, but no shoes. I have been looking for a pair of ivory and navy spectator pumps forever and, alas, they still elude me. But old Annie didn’t elude me. She will be spending a lot of time in the slammer where she belongs. And the citizens of Metropolis can rest just a little easier tonight. And I am working on a new act for the next talent show. Of course, I stopped at the pizzeria on the way home and took my two pizzas home for dinner. Feral and Malicious were starving. They give Blondeopolis pizza 5 zombies—their highest rating. They especially liked the olives—which I told them was Blondeopolis’s special Goth pizza with eye of newt. Visit soon! Blondeopolis rocks! Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have reached 1000 connections AGAIN, but I’m deleting a bunch more who do not autopop daily, so wait about a couple days ask us again. I ONLY accept cities who send a FRIEND REQUEST. Don’t ask here and don’t send me a message. ONLY friend requests will be considered in the order they arrive. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or as close to midnight as we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. WIN 25 PRESIDENTIAL FAVOR POINTS! Send me an essay – 25 words or less stating why you think your city should be the next Moe Town. Post your answer on my wall. Winner will get 25 Favor Points credited to their account compliments of the Mayor of Persiphonia. Contest lasts one week from last Wednesday! Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in! 3 Posts Available
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