Charie D. La Marr

Persiphonia

As a child, Jethro Skinner spent most of his time with his nose buried in science fiction comic books. From there, he moved to the dime science fiction magazines and the stories of HP Lovecraft. He was enchanted with the imagination that went into these works and dreamed of a day when these things would become a reality. For that reason, he went to Persiphonia University, good old PU and majored in chemistry. By day, he held down a 9 – 5 job at the local branch of the Food and Drug Administration, but at night, at home in his own chemistry lab, he dreamed as he created. He tried to develop everything from a Jekyll and Hyde potion to the fountain of youth. But what interested him the most was the idea of a universal solvent. Of course, he only intended for it to be used for good. He would take care to ensure that the formula didn’t fall into the hands of evil doers like The Joker or Lex Luthor who would use such a potion to destroy the world. After his first 75 or so attempts, he went to bed one night and returned to his lab in the morning to find the solution had eaten its way through the glass beaker he stored it in and spilled out across the stainless steel table. He couldn’t believe it. He was actually on to something. If he could develop a potion that could dissolve glass, it was only a matter of time until he developed the universal solvent. His next attempt resulted in the solvent eating right through the glass, the stainless steel table and puddling on the concrete floor. By his third attempt, he had a hole in the concrete floor as well, a hole that went probably halfway to China. He knew he was on to something. He mentioned these developments to a friend at work, a friend he thought he could trust. A few days later, he was visited by a couple guys in black suits and white ties with their noses leaning decidedly to the left. They represented a certain ‘client’ who was most interested in the development of a universal solvent. It seems their boss had a specific need for such a product—something concerning the disposal of certain ‘items’ that he didn’t want found again. The universal solvent provided the perfect solution. When they left the house, Jethro knew he was in trouble. The mafia. The “items’ they wanted to dissolve were bodies. Sadly, Jethro realized that he couldn’t continue his work. He would become a wanted man. All kinds of evil elements of society from governments to criminals would be after him. In short, he would be opening a virtual Pandora’s box. The next day, as he went to work at the Persiphonia Food and Drug Administration, he happened to step in gum as he went in the front door. It really annoyed him because he was wearing a brand new pair of Payless loafers. He noticed that there were a lot of people standing outside of the building smoking because smoking is banned in our buildings. There was a lot of gum on the sidewalk, dropped by people who chewed it in between cigarette breaks to help them with their cravings. That gave him an idea. To confirm his theory, he visited hundreds of buildings and noticed massive amounts of unsightly gum stuck to the sidewalk—particularly right outside doors where people smoked. However, the rest of the city sidewalks didn’t look much better. Ugly, dirty gum was ruining the look of his beloved Persiphonia. He went home that night and started over. He destroyed most of his notes on universal solvents and began to focus on one thing. A non-toxic solvent that would remove the gum from the sidewalks quickly and easily. It took him a couple of tries, but he finally developed Jethro Skinner’s Gum Thinner. You simply pour the solution onto the sidewalk and watch the gum completely disappear. There is no need for scrubbing or rinsing. The gum is gone in less than thirty seconds. And the sidewalks of Persiphonia have never looked better. Jethro spent his life savings and did a 15 minute informercial on a national tv network very late at night. It was all he could afford. But the orders began pouring in. Cities all over the world who had problems with unsightly gum wanted some. Jethro made it in his home workshop and shipped it out as fast as he could, but soon he couldn’t keep up with the orders. He quit his job and took over one of our cheap factories. It is now producing non-toxic gum removal solution, cleanly and safely. Orders have come from as far away as China. The men in the black suits returned and purchased a few gallons, only to find out that the only thing it dissolved was chewing gum. It didn’t suit their purpose at all. Jethro apologized to them—explaining that the only thing he knew how to dissolve was gum. They weren’t very happy when they left and as a result, Jethro has had to hire 24/7 body guards. But he can afford it. The gum removal business has made him a billionaire. Persiphonia could borrow from him now. Metropolis could borrow some money from him. Today, we are sending you a sales representative from Jethro Skinner Enterprises along with samples of Jethro Skinner’s Gum Thinner. Are your sidewalks covered with unsightly blotches of dirty, unsanitary chewed gum? You need Gum Thinner! It will also work in your movie theatres on sticky candy like those disgusting jujubes. For entertainment, our sales representatives will be bringing along a 10 pound can of Double Bubble and holding a ‘biggest bubble’ contest in your town. The winner will get dinner for two at a local diner. Clean up your sidewalks—get Jethro Skinner’s Gum Thinner today! As Mayor of Persiphonia, I personally endorse this product. It is great to have nice clean sidewalks again! Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have reached 1000 connections, but I am checking now and deleting those who do not autopop daily, so wait about a week and ask us again. I will ONLY connect to cities who send a friend request that contains the NAME OF THEIR CITY- not just ‘Metro”. I have already deleted over 150 names and replaced them and continue to do so a little at a time. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or whenever we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in!