Charie D. La Marr

Persiphonia

Well I am back in Persiphonia – a little jet lagged but back in time for one of my favorite days of the year here in town. I wouldn’t miss it for anything. A few years ago, I decided that Persiphonia needed a special day that really defined it. Something like the running of the bulls defines Pamplona. I wanted it to be something romantic and yet with that flair for the daring. Something Hemingway would have enjoyed on one of his more manic (and drunk) days. He was one of us, you know? Bipolar as the day is long. Well, I went to my City Council and had open town hall meetings to figure out the perfect event. Anything with animals was out. Who wants to clean up after those bulls, not to mention all the blood and guts spattered around our immaculate city? And since many people were concerned about bulls or other larger animals using our tiny little pets as appetizers. We considered a lot of other things. Annual Group Therapy Day seemed to have some support, but it just seemed boring. I couldn’t see Hemingway in his khakis coming here to sit down and tell everyone that his mother made him take cello lessons until he was 10. It just seemed so . . . unmanly. I wanted more. Something daring and fun. Something all about taking a risk like running with the bulls, Then came spring and the phone calls started coming in to the Road Maintenance crews. As anyone who has ever looked it up on Wikipedia knows, a pothole is a type of disruption in the surface of a roadway where a portion of the road material has broken away, leaving a hole. Most potholes are formed due to fatigue of the pavement surface. As fatigue cracks develop they typically interlock in a pattern known as "alligator cracking". The chunks of pavement between fatigue cracks are worked loose and may eventually be picked out of the surface by continued wheel loads, thus forming a pothole. The formation of potholes is exacerbated by cold temperatures, as water expands when it freezes and puts more stress on cracked pavement. Once a pothole forms, it grows through continued removal of broken chunks of pavement. If a pothole fills with water the growth may be accelerated, as the water 'washes away' loose particles of road surface as vehicles pass. In temperate climates, potholes tend to form most often during spring months when the subgrade is weak due to high moisture content. (Thank you for the person who has no life and took the time to write that in Wiki!) Anyway, with the cold, icy winters followed by the rainy springs, Persiphonia blossomed with potholes as soon as the weather turned a little bit warm. Cars who didn’t see them were likely to end up with broken axels, flat tires or other damage to the undercarriages of their cars. And believe me, we get some massive potholes. People have lost dogs and small children in them! And then it hit me. The Running of the Potholes. Kind of a cross between the Cannonball Run, Grand Theft Auto, Demolition Derby and Evel Kenievil jumping the Snake River Canyon. What a kick! What manic could resist getting behind the wheel and racing through the streets of Persiphonia swerving to miss the giant potholes? First car that limps across the finish line is declared the winner. Who cares about NASCAR? Guys driving circles on a perfectly smooth track for a day and a half? Persiphonia has potholes! Imagine running the gauntlet in Medieval England in your Jaguar! And how great for our only 2 gas stations. They get enough work to last them until fall! So, it was established that the first Saturday in April would be the annual Running of the Potholes. Just so people can’t scout the course ahead of time, a map is issued to the navigator just before race time. The race begins at Sulley Park, weaves its way through Persiphonia, over the Gold Gate Bridge (we have two now – one in each direction!) and out to Lil Slice Of Hell, our suburb. After a tour of the ‘burbs, the race crosses back into Persiphonia, weaves its way through the streets until it finishes back at Sulley Park. Crowds gather along the sidewalks rooting their favorite cars on. Anything goes—the only type of cars not allowed are all terrain vehicles, 4 wheel drives and Hummers. The true challenge is to do the race in your most expensive vehicle. And so we have people who dare to do the race in everything from Jaguars to Lamborginis. After all, it is about risk, right? There are no pit crews. If a car dies in a pothole, the people on the sidewalk just move it to the sidewalk and the race goes on. No yellow caution flags, just flat out street racing. Manic style. The entrants range from teenage kids to 80 year old grandmothers. In fact, two years ago, Frances Weaver, age 79 won in her 1967 fire engine red Rambler American. Stick shift with 25 thousand original miles. Frances is the choir master at one of our churches. The car was literally just driven back and forth to church by a little old lady. The winner gets a trophy, the traditional bottle of fruit punch and bragging rights for the year. The following day, pothole repairs begin in earnest. Our crews fan out across the city with trucks of blacktop and hot tar and by Tuesday, you would never even know we had a pothole. The entrance fee to the race covers that Sunday overtime bill. This year’s favorite is Derek Landsdown who is racing in a brand new BMW silver Z4 roadster 3.0 si. His biggest challenger is Frances, who has purchased a new kelly green Tesla Motors electric car for the occasion. Go Frances! Go green and clean! Fortunately the race isn’t more than 244 miles or Frances would have to push her car across the finish line. That or use a very long extension cord. Feral and Malicious are doing it in a Volkswagon done up to look like a mini hearse. Those two are just too adorable. (gags) I will be at the starting line in my jumpsuit to wave the starting flag. Then I will probably take a nap in the backseat of my limo and have someone wake me when the winner crosses the finish line. Jet lag sucks! Please remember to POP or Entertain us back often when you see us down. We have reached 1000 connections, but I am checking now and deleting those who do not autopop daily, so wait about a week and ask us again. I will ONLY connect to cities who send a friend request that contains the NAME OF THEIR CITY- not just ‘Metro”. I have already deleted over 150 names and replaced them and continue to do so a little at a time. I intend to give preference to people who have loyally popped Persiphonia though they were non-connections. We autopop every night at midnight or whenever we remember to. AND NOW FOR THE LATEST NEWS … Tales of Persiphonia is now online! I am in the process of adding all of the tales from way back in the beginning, along with my personal tips for playing the game and other cool Persiphonia stuff. You can find us at http://persiphonia.wordpress.com/ Drop by often. Leave comments. We love to hear from you! I am almost up to date adding the old ones to the blog. Sincerely yours, Persiphone Hellecat, Mayor, Empress, Queen and Exaulted Grand Poobah of Persiphonia, Land of the Free and Home of the Bipolar. (We have an excellent medical plan that includes prescriptions!) A PROUD NO NUKES CITY!!! We are now SOLAR!!! Let the sun shine in!